I am writing this with a damp tea towel round my neck, a fan pointed at my face like an interrogation lamp, and the distinct sense that my office has been relocated to the inside of a panini press.
Outside, the Met Office has slapped a red extreme heat warning across half the country and Britain is on course to beat its June temperature record by a margin that would embarrass a sprinter. Forty degrees. In England. In a country that historically considers a barbecue a high-risk gamble.
And do you know what our political class has decided to do about it? Reverse. Gently, apologetically, but unmistakably into the hedge.
Let me be unfashionably blunt, because that is what an oven does to a man’s patience. On the single clearest day of evidence we have ever had, every major party in this country is busy softening, fudging or flat-out binning the one policy designed to stop the thermometer doing this again. And they are all, to a man and woman, doing it because they have caught a nasty case of Faragitis.
This is the bit that genuinely astonishes me. Reform has been admirably honest about its position, which is that net zero belongs, in deputy leader Richard Tice’s words, “in the dustbin”. The party wants to axe the energy department, rip up fracking restrictions and, in a phrase imported wholesale from across the Atlantic, “drill, baby, drill”. You can read it in their own words on Business Matters, and I almost respect the clarity. At least you know where you are with a man who wants to set fire to the future to save four quid on his gas bill this winter.
The line, of course, runs straight back to Donald Trump, a man who has spent years insisting that wind turbines cause cancer, kill whales and personally ruin his golf views. Farage admires Trump, Reform borrows the soundbites, and now, terrifyingly, everyone else is borrowing them from Reform. The Conservatives, who once hugged a husky for a photo opportunity, last year ditched their commitment to net zero by 2050 altogether, a move even the trade press called reckless. Labour says the right things about offshore wind, then triangulates so frantically over every actual decision that you suspect Ed Miliband is the only true believer left and they keep him in a cupboard.
It is the great British political pastime: find out what the loudest man in the pub thinks, then sprint to agree with him before last orders.
Here is my problem, and it is a businessman’s problem rather than a hippie’s. The “drill, baby, drill” crowd present themselves as the hard-headed realists and everyone else as woolly idealists. They have it precisely upside down. The realism is on the other side of the argument.
The Climate Change Committee, hardly a den of placard-waving radicals, has crunched the numbers and found that the entire cost of reaching net zero by 2050 is smaller than the hit we took from one fossil fuel price shock in 2022. One. For every pound spent, the benefits come back somewhere between two and four times over. Faster electrification, heat pumps and electric cars do not bankrupt households, they put money back in people’s pockets. The expensive option, the genuinely reckless one, is staying hooked on a commodity whose price is set by despots and weather systems we do not control.
And this is before we get to the actual business case, which is enormous and which we keep pretending is a cost rather than the single biggest growth opportunity of our lifetimes. The UK net zero economy already generates around £105 billion in value and supports more than a million jobs, the overwhelming majority of them in small and medium-sized firms, as Business Matters laid out in its coverage of the seventh carbon budget. When politicians wobble on targets, they are not protecting business. They are kneecapping the fastest-growing part of it and handing the lead to the Chinese, the Americans and anyone else with the nerve to commit.
I have written before that British businesses must not retreat from net zero, and on the hottest day in our recorded history I will say it louder, sweat and all. Doubling down is not the brave green gesture. It is the boring, sensible, profitable thing to do, which is precisely why no politician chasing Farage’s vote will say it.
So here is my modest proposal. Turn the fans off in Westminster for a week. Let them legislate at forty degrees, like the rest of us are trying to work. They will discover their convictions remarkably quickly. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my tea towel needs wringing out.